"Never Say Never"

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
But together all the while

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now than we were before

Picture, you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
To steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

.... january

Some return to normalcy...

Currently Sunsets and Car Crashes By Spill Canvas Caterpillars see related

6 Years Pass...

I can't believe I'm actually writing on here. I think I started this blog when I was 13. I know nobody even reads this, so I guess I'm just writing out into internet land for myself and my own sanity.

I don't know what has gotten into me this year. God, I've changed so much. I've become someone I don't even know anymore. I guess people grow up. I don't listen to music I like anymore. I don't dress how I like to dress. I've conformed to everyone else. I've adapted to the world. It sucks. "When you grow up, your heart dies"- The Breakfast Club.

It's so true. I guess poisoning myself for recreation all these years has taken a toll on me. I'm glad I have serenity in my life now, though. I don't know where I'd be if I was sticking a needle in my arm somewhere, or sniffing powder up my nose. I'd probably be dead, or homeless, or walking amongst the living dead like I did all summer. All I know is that I have people who love me today. They love me for the semi-confused soul that I am. I don't know which way is up or down, and sometimes right vs. wrong. I hope along the way I learn.

I miss my mom. I hope she's okay.
I miss myself. I know I'll be okay.

I start school in a week, and I'm looking forward to it. Maybe it will help me focus and move on with my life. I guess I still feel gross after all the nasty things I did to myself and everyone around me this year. Even though I've apologized and been forgiven. I still feel sad about it. I still don't forgive myself. I wish there was a rewind bu  tton on life. I would do so many things differently, but definitely some things the same also. I'm keeping afloat and that's what matters. I may not have money or extravagant things. I may not be 120 Lbs, or have the perfect nose, or hair... But I know I'm beautiful because I choose to be.

Fuck it. I love the rain. I love crazy colors and crazy loud screaming music. I like dying my hair different colors and getting tattooed. I love coffee and cigarettes. I would be lost without them. I love kids. I love the cold air and the beach. God, I love the beach. But not so much the tanning part. Just the scenery and the smell and the sound of the ocean. I wish I had a clothes line to hang dry all my clothes. I wanna read a few books. I can't wait to get my glasses today!! :o)

I love taking pictures. I'm such a nerd at heart. Why can't I admit that? Music completes me. But only the good kind. I want to learn how to play the piano. I'm determined to get straight A's this semester. I am fuckin jammin'  out right now. My boyfriend and my dad are behind me on the couch watching the new Clint Eastwood movie on bootleg. LOL

I have a really great boyfriend. He probably won't read this but at least if he does, he'll know how special I think he is.

yeah, so like... almost nobody comes on here, but i don't care i need to vent.

LINDSAY WIESEN: Living The Sober Life.

well, it's good. i don't really have any complaints.

except that... sometimes i get lonely and i miss my friends and i miss the way things used to be. i sincerely wish everything could just be the same, minus the hectic drug life i was living. i don't even think that's possible.

                            i mean, like... i have a bunch of shit to say but i can't put my thoughts into words.

forigve me, <3linds

I've never been so happy to have closure before. Hello everyone. It's been a hell of a year. Actually, it's been longer than a year. I'm graduating my program on February 7th, which will make it 14 months that I've been gone. It's funny how I sit here and reflect on all of 2005, when it's 2007. There are so many things I've said and done that I totally forgot about, considering all the drugs I was doing... no wonder why I couldn't remember a damn thing. I am proud to say that I am currently a student at Molloy College. Yes, that's right ladies and gentleman... I've graduated high school 6 months early and started college. I am proud to say that I am no longer boy crazy. There's no need to fill that void. That's what it was... I hated myself. I hated the way I looked, walked, talked, acted, smelled, pretended. I was miserable. I have never been this happy in my life. I honestly have so much freakin gratitude for my family, my life, and my friends that made this possible (you know who you are). I especially wanna thank the people that I went through all my hardships and experiences with, because even though I waisted 3 years of my life getting high with you guys... if I didn't hit my bottom, I'd probably have waisted 2 more, and today I don't have to worry about that.

I'm scared to come home. I'm scared of the people I used to get high with. I'm scared of Julie and Stinn hating me because of what I'm doing. I'm scared as hell to relapse. I know as soon as I pick up one mind-altering substance, I'm toast. There's no hope for me at all. I am lucky that I've met hundreds of amazing people in this process, like Ashante, Anthony L, Eric E, Shaquanna, Danielle H, Jordan (especially). I never knew what friends were until these people came into my life and struggled with me. Not only did they struggle themselves, and still continue to sometimes, but they have seen me blossom into the beautiful young woman that I am. They have witnessed and experience my process. They are lucky, and so am I to have people like them in my life.

As far as my past is concerned, I'm not ashamed of it anymore. It happened, and I can't reverse it. At least I have my future in the palm of my hands and I am capable of doing whatever I dream of. <3 Thank you God for this life changing experience. I am truly grateful for my life and my recovery.